Transfiguration

How to explain without starting at the end;

For those of you who don’t know me

For those of you who do but not well enough

I thought I would tell you a few things you, probably, don’t know.

This is not meant to be an article of self pity or to receive pity from any of you, merely a statement of fact. Things I have been trying to get off my chest for many years.

I have many scars on my body, but my favorite is the one that covers my entire right knee. When I was 14 I was thrown off a truck and lost my right knee, broke both arms, my collar bone, de-gloved most of my back, broke all my fingers, both wrists, and received a massive concussion. I spent the next five months in a wheelchair learning to walk again and doing rehab which I did on my own, no doctor rehabilitation. By next summer I had walked up Chimney Rock and could swim again.

In my early years I dated a girl named Sarah. Her brother killed himself one night while we were all sleeping downstairs by gunshot to the head. I was the first one upstairs and I can still see his face as clear as day. I have never told my own family this, and they don’t need to know. I tried to give him CPR in a panic and still remember seeing myself in the mirror covered with his gore, I looked like a monster, and I felt like a failure.

In a relatively short span I lost both of my grandfathers and my uncle. My uncle has always been pretty much a father to me. Sometimes I wonder if the system shock caused me to suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder if so it has never been treated. I don’t talk to doctors about mental issues.

When I was a child it was discovered that I had a near Mensa level IQ. This caused a lot of my childhood to resemble a modern day retelling of Great Expectations. Around the sixth grade being the “best and brightest” started taking its toll. After the truck incident in the 8^th grade I truly just couldn’t give a shit anymore, laid out of school every chance I got, stopped doing homework, or paying any attention. Of all my teachers Mr. Hood tried the hardest to reach me, he held me back after class one day and told me flat out that I was obviously one of the most intelligent students to ever walk through his door but I was always probably the one who cared the least. He told me it was a damn shame I couldn’t pull myself together and live up to my abilities. It nearly worked, but I was too far gone to pull myself out. Turns out spending a childhood being told how you were destined to become a NASA scientist is NOT a good way to raise a child.

On the NASA note, I LOVE astrophysics, I spent many nights poring over research documents and reading. I have a very decent understanding of Black Holes, Pulsars, Quasars, General Relativity, and Quantum Mechanics. I think String Theory is the biggest load of bull ever unleashed upon humanity.

I was raised a Christian, one of my grandfathers was a pastor. I went through a period of confusion where I tried Islam, Buddhism, and Metaphysical BS. I eventually realized that I had looked everywhere I could including inside myself and found nothing but my own humanity, I decided that was enough. Hence I am now an atheist with strong humanistic empathy.

I used to write a lot of songs and poetry. After my divorce this has slowed considerably.

I have a favorite coat, my black duster, many of you have seen it. It has very significant personal value to me more so than anything else I own.

I am computer nut, I enjoying building them, studying them, and sometimes destroying them. If you ever need some work done on a PC I’m your man.